Oh. Sorry. Wrong neighborhood by Kelley Miles Essoe
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine... Oh. Sorry. Wrong neighborhood.
Make a left at the next corner. Yeah! Here we are. See all the nerdy folks walking around in jeans, T-shirts and Nikes with dark circles under their eyes and glasses over them and java in one hand and jolt in the other? Welcome to Program Paradise, the hood where Mister Chips really ended up, once just a row of upstart floppy-houses, rebuilt anew by the famous C. D. ROM, and where now every parking space says Cyber, and every home is a Software House.
We're gonna be neighborly and drop in on a few here and there that sport that unmistakable "Astro" signature. You know, rams and bulls grazing on the crabgrass, the goat on the roof andthe lion at the door.
First up, door number one. Watch the scorpions. Nice kitty. Knock-knock. Who's there. COSMIC PATTERNS. The happy home of the magnificent 32- bit based Windows astrological calculation system that comes complete with a number of built-in interpretive reports, and is the engine host for over 35 more. In this respect, Kepler is more akin to an astrological suite than amere standalone program. Say, more like Microsoft Office than Word.
Kepler 4.5 is the latest and greatest version of unique system that simply never ceases to thoroughly amaze me. So many incredible new attributes and functions have been added since Ilast reviewed Kepler version 4.0, that I have reserved an upcoming issue cover what is functionally an entirely new Kepler.
So, just as an anticipatory preview, here is a mere sampling of what's new: Hi-resolution astro map printouts, live mini reading, Astro Encyclopedia, enhanced Help section, Data collection of 5,000 famous people, planetary and asteroid return charts, conjunctions to fixed star point, harmonic triangle with midpoint printouts, astro clock, rectification module adjusting planetary movement minute to minute, expanded search module, resizing of chartwheels.
I know, I know. Lust. But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. Just look at the all the tails that wag that dawg. The add-on Report Writers available for Kepler are bound to leave you reeling, not to mention filling out order forms.
Cosmic Patterns offers up to six different general natal reports alone. Two of the six reports, COSMO NATAL and the MAJOR LIFE THEMES, are already included with the Kepler system gratis. But the remaining four reports in this category are well worth a good look as well. The MERLIN REPORT uses a sophisticated technique that smoothes the transition from one idea to the next so that the report is fluid and contains far fewer contradictions than many other computer generated astrological interpretations. INDRA is an in-depth look at the birth chart with unrivaled specificity in its interpretations. For example, in the interpretation of a planet conjunct the Ascendant, Indra uses a different interpretation if the planet is on the 12th house or 1st house side of the Ascendant, and also whether the planet is afflicted with hard aspects or not. ASTRO INSIGHT NATAL REPORT, by the colorful and prolific Adze Mixxe, is a comprehensive natal report that utilizes many sophisticated and unique astrological techniques in a delightfully entertaining and positive report which highlights issues that are important to the reader. ALPHA IMPRINTS by veteran astrologer Riley Goodwin provides not only the interpretation, but clear explanation of the astrological basis to the interpretation. This report is excellent for people who not only like the ride, but want to know how the plane stays up too. Riley's approach is inspirational and philosophical as well as practical and down-to-earth.
What other report writers are available for Kepler? I'm glad you asked. It's one of my favorite lists w hen I'm dreaming about what I'd spend lotto money on. In predictive astrology, the BASIC FORECAST REPORT and ADVANCED FORECAST REPORT by Gina Ronco are Cosmic Patterns two most popular transit/progression forecast reports. The latter, an expansion of the former, has the option to include interpretations of the four major asteroids and Chiron to the report. THE POPPE FORECAST REPORT highlights suggestions on how to best deal with the astrological influences present in your chart, and the FUTURE TRENDS REPORT by Adze Mixxe offers both mini or detailed transit interpretations, both of which capture Adze's flavorful skill of writing.Then there is Art Poppe's MINI-MINDER FORECAST REPORT that provides very brief though concise interpretations of transits and includes the option to include midpoint interpretations, and THE DESTINY AND DECISIONS TRANSIT REPORT which gives suggestions on how to best handle the astrological influences that are coming up. The KARMIC FORECAST REPORT focuses only on issues of a karmic and more inner nature, while BUSINESS FORECAST gives future trends for people engaged in making business decisions, and LOVE AND ROMANCE FORECAST focuses on... well, love and romance. The SOLAR RETURN, SECONDARY PROGRESSED, and LUNAR RETURN reports are pretty self descriptive, while the ASTROQUEST HORARY PROGRAM provides likely outcomes based on the planetary positions of the time and place of a question and combines this with natal chart aspects of the individual doing the questioning.
You don't think that's all, do you? No way. Cause there's COMPATIBILITY REPORT that analyzes the relationship of two people in either romantic or non-romantic affiliation, the COMPOSITE REPORT which analyzes romantic relationships through a detailed look at the composite chart, the LOVE-HONOR-CHERISH REPORT by Adze that is bound to provokepositive insight and entertain you simultaneously, and Maxine Taylor's HEAVEN-SENT REPORT which examines which of your planets and natal houses are triggered by his/her planets and natal houses and vise versa.
Then there's the CHILD REPORT which focuses on issues that parents are concerned about for their children, and the VOCATIONAL GUIDANCE REPORT which is a wonderful tool for those who are seeking their true vocations or professions. If you're longing to look way back, KARMIC PAST LIFE REPORT includes interpretations of many factors in the natal chart while focusing on the Moon's nodes and Saturn, while KARMIC INSIGHT REPORT concentrates on aspects of the fights along with other aspects to give an in-depth esoteric point of view at the soul's intentions and lessons to be learned in this lifetime based on reverberations from past lifetimes. CAYCE PAST LIFE REPORT is based on Ry Redd's study of the Edgar Cayce readings and is thus very esoteric and inspiring.
Kelley Miles Essoe is a screenwriter, actor, restorter of Ehpemera, and has been a professional Astrologer since 1977. She is a graduate of UCLA and did graduate work at both UCLA film department and RADA in London. The mother of two boys, she has been married to her husband Gabe, also a writer, since 1974. She last wrote the Computer Comer for Aspects Magazine from 1985-1988. Kelley is a double Scorpio with an 8th house Gemini Moon.